May 2, 2012

What if?

I remember when SB was diagnosed with Apraxia. I was relieved. It felt good to have a name for what was going on with her. And, I also felt vindicated. It confirmed what I had known - something was wrong with my child.

So many people had said, "She's just a late talker. She'll come around. Wait and see..." But I knew it was more than that. And I pushed until we got an answer. I did not stop until we received one.

It felt good to know my instincts had been correct. And that I had been an advocate for my child, getting her the services she needed.

The diagnosis also made me sad. I have written before about how much I hate watching my child struggle with something so basic, so essential. I worried about how it would impact her ability to fit in. To make friends. To learn. To succeed.

I don't worry anymore. Her will and her progress have been nothing short of amazing. She has kicked Apraxia's a**. She still has a long way to go, but I have no more concerns. She has thrived, and will continue to do so.

This situation with her seizure is different.

This time, my instincts don't tell me anything. I have no idea what is wrong with my child. IF anything is wrong with her. It is unsettling.

We don't know much yet. I'm trying to be calm and just live our lives. Keep things normal for SB and for us. There is no reason to do otherwise.

We have further testing and an appointment with a pediatric neurologist scheduled for later this month. We've made her caregivers aware of the situation so they are prepared if another seizure does occur.

Just like before, I will push. I will speak up for my child. I want answers. I hope we can receive them.

What if the neurologist gives us a diagnosis of epilepsy or some other medical condition? I know we will deal with it. It won't be the end of the world. But this is bigger than a speech disorder. It is scarier.

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