The days are so long I am barely surviving them. SB is pushing the limits every moment of every day. She refuses to listen. She is defiant. She is strong willed. She saves her worst behavior for me. She is working hard to break me. She hasn't yet, but some days she comes so close it scares me.
I know this is all normal. It is what she is supposed to do. Kids test the boundaries, and look to their parents to teach them where those boundaries are. Again and again and again. I am firm, as clear as I know how to be, and consistent. It is unbelievably exhausting. I am drained.
Speaking of being exhausted, SB's having given up a nap is making things even more difficult. As the day goes on and she becomes more tired, her behavior worsens. By bedtime, we are living in Meltdown City. The tantrums are epic.
When she is overtired she is really unable to control herself. I try very hard to be extra patient. The slightest thing can set her off. Whereas I normally give her as many choices as possible so she feels she has some control, when she is tired I don't offer any. It is too much for her to handle.
I'm attempting to stick to a routine as much as possible. Our afternoons tend to be the only unstructured part of the day, but that is not working out well right now. I'm trying out different activities to see what she responds best to.
It does not help that we have had such an oppressively hot summer. We both have cabin fever in a bad way. I feel like we are just sick of each other right now.
The years are short. They fly by. I want to be enjoying these days. I want to cherish them. I know I will miss them someday. Long for this time. But when we get to a certain point of every day, I can't wait for it to end.
I am struggling. Barely holding on to my sanity. And it makes me sad. I said to hubby last night, "Nothing I have ever done in my life has been this difficult, nor has anything I've done prepared me for dealing with it."