October 29, 2010

Which mom are you?

          So last weekend the hubby and I had our first date night since our anniversary in February. I can still count on one hand the number of dates we have had since SB was born. Yes, I know I posted months ago that we were going to start going out more regularly. There are a lot of reasons why it hasn't happened before now. It's complicated.
          The good news is, we have a great new sitter! And the strong desire, especially after last weekend, to get out together more often. With the holidays fast approaching, we will also have the opportunity to socialize with friends. I'm not sure I remember how to do that, but I think it's just like riding a bicycle.
          Back to last Saturday. As I was going over things with our fabulous new sitter, I said to her, "I am not the kind of mom who calls to check in. I am leaving you with (SB) because I have complete confidence in your ability to care for her. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or concerns during the evening. But you shouldn't expect to hear from me."
          She looked very surprised. Which made me wonder if my attitude is unusual. Then I felt guilty, like I'm a bad mom or something because I don't feel the need to check in with my babysitter. I will admit I checked my phone for a text from her so often our waitress asked if we were trying to get to a movie. I didn't want her to need me and not get a response.
          Maybe that is just the same as checking in. I don't know. How do you handle things when you leave your child(ren) with a sitter? Do you check in while you are out, or simply give him/her your contact info? Does the age of the child(ren) make a difference? Let's discuss...

16 comments:

  1. I don't call to check in, either. The dates are few and far between and are for only a couple of hours. We keep the cell phone close and expect the sitter to call if anything comes up. We make that clear before we leave.

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  2. I don't call either (the very few times we go out)- I probably call more when leaving my daughter with my husband :) but like you, I do check my phone.

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  3. My mom is my sitter, so I don't call. She will call me if something goes wrong.

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  4. Have to admit, we rarely left out kids with a sitter. We were lucky enough to have a set of grandparents close enough to dump them on, so I never had to worry. :)

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  5. @ Angie - Same here. Especially the part about being few and far between. ;)

    @ C.Mom - I don't have to check in when hubby is w/SB. He calls me. Often. LOL

    @ Christina - It's always nice to be able to leave the little one(s) with your mom.

    @ Linda - All of SB's grandparents are in town, but due to aging issues, they aren't really available to babysit. It's unfortunate, but we have found someone good.

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  6. We actually have been leaving the kiddo with sitters since he was about 3 months old (I know, a lot of people think we're crazy), but I never call to check in. I have my phone handy, and call if we're running late, but once we walk out the door, my theory is "you'll call if you need me". It helps that our sitter is a day care director for her day job, and has been working with kids for over 8 years (and came very highly recommended). But still, when we leave...we leave.

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  7. I don't check in either. Like you, I wouldn't leave my child with someone I didn't trust completely and my phone is always within reach, but unless she is teething or I think she's starting to come down with something, I don't call when I'm at work or on a date night.

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  8. You all are making me feel much better. I was thinking maybe I was a bad mom for not checking in. ;)

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  9. Back when we had two great sitters, I never called either. You're in good company!

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  10. Well for me, I've had so few sitters I check in. And the sitter has so far, always been my mother.

    Before I had a baby, I thought I'd be the type to just leave and come back later. I thought I would be able to send her to my moms for the night, and not think about her until morning. I thought that having the hubs home with her, would make me content enough not to need to call.

    I thought wrong. Apparently I am neurotic.

    What's funny though, is I'm never checking up on the baby. I am 100% sure she is fine and happy and well care for. I am checking on the sitter. Do they have questions? Is the baby giving them a hard time? Did I not explain in deep enough detail how to sing that song that always makes her cry and thus, they are going crazy? It's VERY WEIRD. And also, very not how I thought I was going to be.

    I hope to one day be like you. Honestly, you should be trusting the person who cares for your child enough not to need to check. And trusting your child enough as well.

    Thanks for this reminder. I shall not drive my sister MAD tomorrow with texts!

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  11. No checking in for us, either. I know they will call if they have questions. Way to go Mama!;)

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  12. I have complete confidence in the people we ask to mind our 3 Tsunamis... of course I do. When they were younger, I just didn't have complete confidence in their ability to behave like tiny children instead of tiny monkeys... so I did make the call. But these days, whatever they can throw at their carers, I know they can handle it. I don't bother them as I know they will call if they need me!! x

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  13. I'm not a mother, so I can't comment on how I'd respond to checking in on the babysitter. But the first thing that popped into my head as I started reading your post was the Calvin and Hobbes strip when Calvin is terrorizing the only babysitter brave enough to stay with him when his parents go out. If you haven't read it, it's worth a chuckle!

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  14. The only people I've left Mungee with are my mom and DH's dad. I typically don't call to check up on her unless we're gone for an extended period of time, or if she got extremely upset when we left. Neither of them bring it up if we don't call though.

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  15. Never, ever call. Ever.
    All my sitters have always been text savvy, and know to text me with anything I need to know.
    Hubby & I get very few breaks, and I'm paying this (totally background-checked & well-referred) sitter to make the judgement call as to whether we need to be 'in the know'.
    They also see the desperation in my eyes when I dash from the house the moment they arrive. They know a woman who needs some space when they see her.

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  16. I never call to check in, but I have found myself checking my phone occasionally. We don't get out as often as we should so when we do I really feel like it's our time.

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