It is great to be able to connect with people based on things you have in common. Earlier this week I wrote about the wonderful community of writers I am proud to be part of. Does a similar "club" exist for moms? The answer is yes. And no.
What I have found is that moms I personally know are an extremely supportive group. I can go to them for advice, or to commiserate. They are more than willing to share their experiences and expertise. And they do not judge me.
Beyond that small circle of moms is a scary, often cruel world. I've written about this before. Moms are attacking moms. This week I read yet another article on the subject. I find it so disheartening. Why must moms judge and criticize each other?
This is a subject I am exploring in my new book. The excerpt below touches on my own theory on the phenomenon:
If women were to listen purely to the messages of society, or each other it would seem, there is no choice that is “right.” As one male friend once put it, “How is a woman to win? Somehow, you are not doing what you are supposed to do if you do not have a career. But then, you are not doing what you are supposed to do if you are not with your children.” That is exactly the dilemma facing many moms today.
Perhaps that is why women resort to attacking each other. It is a way to vent the frustration they feel being trapped in a winless situation. Resenting the judgment they encounter, whether real or imagined, they lash out at an accessible target. Or could it be a case of insecurity? I know I am full of uncertainty when it comes to my skills as a mom. I am constantly questioning the decisions I’ve made or actions I’ve taken. Maybe some women find it more comfortable to question others. This is all conjecture, of course. I can’t say why women disparage each other. What I do know is that this is a topic that stirs much debate and strong emotions.
What do you think? Why can't moms support, or at least learn to accept, each other?
NOTE: If you would like to read more excerpts from my book, look under my blog archive for the month of April.